"Sowwry maggie, I am a snuggwlebug. Awe you?"
It is 8:15pm on Saturday night. I am laying in the middle of a bedroom on the carpet. The two beds in the room are empty, and the pillows and covers have been removed. I am laying in the middle of the floor. I am stuck and can't really move. I see the bright lights on the ceiling from a vehicle pulling onto the street...
15 minutes earlier.
"Bed Time!" I yell. Little feet scramble off the couch and little bodies curl up on the floor of the living room trying to hide. After the littlest one would not move and goes limp, i am forced to carry her upstairs. I finally get them both up stairs and into their beds. I am about to kiss their sweet and precious faces goodnight and they tell me not to leave. All i wanted to do was to tuck them into bed and pray with them so that they could fall sleep and so i could do homework. Well, it didnt happen.
Instead they said, "pwease?!" proceeding to tell me they are afraid of nightmares and telling me that they couldnt sleep and then say "why wif me. pwease?"
In other words, "lay with me please" The little lisped words made me smile and so i cave in. I lay down next to the little one. However, jealousy was inevitable and after she gets her request, the other one asks the same.... SO the only solution... a slumber party on the floor.
Lots of pillows, lots of sheets. They both get me.
I am laying on the floor in the middle to two little kids. These little people I am laying next to are my adopted kids. Thats what I call them. They are the kids I watch quite frequently, almost every weekend when thier parents need a date night, have a concert to go to, or dinner out. These kids are beautiful and sweet, precious. They are little, both under 7 years old. It is this great cycle. They make me laugh, get me frustrated, and then make me smile. I am like their other mom. They call my cell phone and ask me when I am coming over, and always ask "Can you come plawy?" and "Are you spending da night?" and more.
Ella and Phoenix both wanted to cuddle. I am laying on the carpet, and i am laying on my side in a fetal position. I am thinking, "after they fall asleep I can move and leave." However, this does not happen... almost an hour goes by before i ever leave the room. After they both roll around on the floor trying to get comfortable, they finally do. I have a little girl curled up next to me, her back to my stomach, her head laying on my bicep, almost in my armpit. She has moved my arm as if she wants me to just hold her. I am holding her body in my left arm. Both her arms wrapped around my left arm. Then on the other side, I have the little boy curled up against my back. He has grabbed my other arm and puts it across his chest and wraps both his arms around my right arm. I am stuck in arms I can't get out of....
As I am laying there I am thinking... this is ridiculous. One moment these kids are mad at me cause i won't give them the sweets their parents specifically asked me not to give them. Another moment they are arguing over what movie to watch, or who makes who the mad most. I am annoyed (kind of) when they don't listen to me and run around the house naked as i am trying to get them bathtubs... only then i start laughing when they both start dancing at the top of the stairs stark naked. I try to hug them and they run, but then they don't like when I don't sit with them and play.
I am still laying on the floor. They are quiet and at this point, I am resting, still bound, and my eyes are closed. As I lay there, little Ella rolls over and kisses me about 8 times on the face. A few on my forehead, my hair, and my right cheek. (I pretend I am sleeping because otherwise they talk to me and ask me me crazy questions and always the question "are you spending the night" and Im hoping that my pretending will make them fall asleep faster.)
Ella touches my earring, and then my ear, and then whispers in my ear, "I wove you, maggie" (i love you maggie). she rolls back over with her little body spooning me and falls asleep in about 5 seconds. I am laying there, dumbfounded and stuck. Little people wrapped around my arms, content and asleep. Not a care in the world, and they know that i love them. I am stuck in arms I can't get out of but I am loved more than I know...
It hits me so hard.... "You, Maggie, are loved more than you KNOW, REALIZE, or WANT." I lay there, still with these kids on both sides and its as if the Lord is telling me, "Maggie, I love you more than you know, realize, or want."
It is funny how the Lord will use anything to show me His love for me. Though these kids act one way while i am watching them, at the end of the day, they cease to amaze me by somehow expressing their love for me. Love is not always expressed when we need it, want it, or expect it. Sometimes we get it when we don't want it. or don't think we need it.
I may not always feel the love of those around me. sometimes i don't want it or believe it. I may need a hug and never express it to anyone. I may not always run to the Lord for my source of love, sometimes i run to people. sometimes i run to myself. sometimes i put my need to be loved to death, pretending i dont need it to live and if i dont get it, its ok and normal. when it comes to mind, i sometimes try to get it out of my mind, pretending that i have all i need. pride. hmm.
it hits me... i am a bleeding heart needing to know the love of God yet i don't always run to him. sometimes i don't want to know it. it is too big, too sweet, too kind. its too good to be true, and i dont feel deserving. i always thought love was conditional. it had to be earned. and it had to be given first to receive it. i havent always been able to give it or return it.
I am learning still to love and be loved. I feel as though i have gotten much better at knowing how to love... but I don't always know how to accept or receive love. I am still learning. tonight was hard and so good. i didnt really want to know that i was loved, but i needed it and needed to know i am loved more than i know or want.
i am stuck in arms I can't get out of.... so what do i do? I stay stuck as the words "I love you" penetrate me heart.... I fall asleep... there is peace, hope, and LOVE...
It is 8:15pm on Saturday night. I am laying in the middle of a bedroom on the carpet. The two beds in the room are empty, and the pillows and covers have been removed. I am laying in the middle of the floor. I am stuck and can't really move. I see the bright lights on the ceiling from a vehicle pulling onto the street...
15 minutes earlier.
"Bed Time!" I yell. Little feet scramble off the couch and little bodies curl up on the floor of the living room trying to hide. After the littlest one would not move and goes limp, i am forced to carry her upstairs. I finally get them both up stairs and into their beds. I am about to kiss their sweet and precious faces goodnight and they tell me not to leave. All i wanted to do was to tuck them into bed and pray with them so that they could fall sleep and so i could do homework. Well, it didnt happen.
Instead they said, "pwease?!" proceeding to tell me they are afraid of nightmares and telling me that they couldnt sleep and then say "why wif me. pwease?"
In other words, "lay with me please" The little lisped words made me smile and so i cave in. I lay down next to the little one. However, jealousy was inevitable and after she gets her request, the other one asks the same.... SO the only solution... a slumber party on the floor.
Lots of pillows, lots of sheets. They both get me.
I am laying on the floor in the middle to two little kids. These little people I am laying next to are my adopted kids. Thats what I call them. They are the kids I watch quite frequently, almost every weekend when thier parents need a date night, have a concert to go to, or dinner out. These kids are beautiful and sweet, precious. They are little, both under 7 years old. It is this great cycle. They make me laugh, get me frustrated, and then make me smile. I am like their other mom. They call my cell phone and ask me when I am coming over, and always ask "Can you come plawy?" and "Are you spending da night?" and more.
Ella and Phoenix both wanted to cuddle. I am laying on the carpet, and i am laying on my side in a fetal position. I am thinking, "after they fall asleep I can move and leave." However, this does not happen... almost an hour goes by before i ever leave the room. After they both roll around on the floor trying to get comfortable, they finally do. I have a little girl curled up next to me, her back to my stomach, her head laying on my bicep, almost in my armpit. She has moved my arm as if she wants me to just hold her. I am holding her body in my left arm. Both her arms wrapped around my left arm. Then on the other side, I have the little boy curled up against my back. He has grabbed my other arm and puts it across his chest and wraps both his arms around my right arm. I am stuck in arms I can't get out of....
As I am laying there I am thinking... this is ridiculous. One moment these kids are mad at me cause i won't give them the sweets their parents specifically asked me not to give them. Another moment they are arguing over what movie to watch, or who makes who the mad most. I am annoyed (kind of) when they don't listen to me and run around the house naked as i am trying to get them bathtubs... only then i start laughing when they both start dancing at the top of the stairs stark naked. I try to hug them and they run, but then they don't like when I don't sit with them and play.
I am still laying on the floor. They are quiet and at this point, I am resting, still bound, and my eyes are closed. As I lay there, little Ella rolls over and kisses me about 8 times on the face. A few on my forehead, my hair, and my right cheek. (I pretend I am sleeping because otherwise they talk to me and ask me me crazy questions and always the question "are you spending the night" and Im hoping that my pretending will make them fall asleep faster.)
Ella touches my earring, and then my ear, and then whispers in my ear, "I wove you, maggie" (i love you maggie). she rolls back over with her little body spooning me and falls asleep in about 5 seconds. I am laying there, dumbfounded and stuck. Little people wrapped around my arms, content and asleep. Not a care in the world, and they know that i love them. I am stuck in arms I can't get out of but I am loved more than I know...
It hits me so hard.... "You, Maggie, are loved more than you KNOW, REALIZE, or WANT." I lay there, still with these kids on both sides and its as if the Lord is telling me, "Maggie, I love you more than you know, realize, or want."
It is funny how the Lord will use anything to show me His love for me. Though these kids act one way while i am watching them, at the end of the day, they cease to amaze me by somehow expressing their love for me. Love is not always expressed when we need it, want it, or expect it. Sometimes we get it when we don't want it. or don't think we need it.
I may not always feel the love of those around me. sometimes i don't want it or believe it. I may need a hug and never express it to anyone. I may not always run to the Lord for my source of love, sometimes i run to people. sometimes i run to myself. sometimes i put my need to be loved to death, pretending i dont need it to live and if i dont get it, its ok and normal. when it comes to mind, i sometimes try to get it out of my mind, pretending that i have all i need. pride. hmm.
it hits me... i am a bleeding heart needing to know the love of God yet i don't always run to him. sometimes i don't want to know it. it is too big, too sweet, too kind. its too good to be true, and i dont feel deserving. i always thought love was conditional. it had to be earned. and it had to be given first to receive it. i havent always been able to give it or return it.
I am learning still to love and be loved. I feel as though i have gotten much better at knowing how to love... but I don't always know how to accept or receive love. I am still learning. tonight was hard and so good. i didnt really want to know that i was loved, but i needed it and needed to know i am loved more than i know or want.
i am stuck in arms I can't get out of.... so what do i do? I stay stuck as the words "I love you" penetrate me heart.... I fall asleep... there is peace, hope, and LOVE...
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