Written on September 3rd, 2009:
As I am sitting on my bed at 1030 pm, when I really should be laying down and closing my eyes to sleep, I just can’t put this off any longer.
I am in an exciting season of life. First let me tell you...
About a year ago, I was prayed over: “Doors will open before you without your hand ever touching them. You have Gods favor about your life.”
About 3 months ago, I found myself back in baltimore. I moved home after college having no clue as to what I would be doing upon graduating from college. I have dreams in my heart and little direction. When I was in India the month after graduation, I felt that the Lord was asking me to move home.
All i knew was that the spirit of God had called me to move home to invest time into my siblings and parents, to reconnect with people, and to spend time with the Lord. Unfortunately, the third assignment did not take priority as often as I knew God was calling me to. I found myself in need of time with God, and had put my family and everything else before him. After 2 months of feeling drained, confused, without purpose and direction, I broke down crying in my car. I began thinking that the past 5 years at ORU had been wasted, useless, and here I was in my driveway wondering what on earth I would do with my life. I questioned what I loved to do and who I was. I wondered if what I was passionate about was reality, or just something that was copied off of someone else’s dreams. I was frustrated and mad. The times I had sought the Lord it was as if my ears were blocked, and I had felt forgotten by Him and everyone else. I assumed my friends at ORU had forgotten me, I assumed that my church friends from home cared less about my life. I felt lonely, and isolated. I had applied to jobs all over the world, literally. I made phone calls, and no responses. I got panicky. Katie, my sister, even told me, STOP worrying! I just was so nervous, and anxious, trying to figure life out.
You know how it goes... things just snowball.
In tears I cried out to the Lord, and pleaded with him. I didnt care if I felt lonely or was lonely. All I cared about was doing what God wanted, being close to him, and wanting to be where He wanted me to be. I wanted a job that honored God and people, I wanted to make good money doing so, and I wanted to find a job I enjoyed. I was completely against the cliche "Well you might have to do something you hate doing." That is different than doing something that is humbling. At least you can still enjoy humbling jobs.
I knew God is so much bigger. I wasnt about to just take any job that came up. I knew God could provide, I just had to keep reminding myself to trust him regardless of the external.
About a month ago, I took my sister, Becky, out to ORU. She is a freshman there. That weekend was SO bittersweet. I saw my closest friends, and people I did not expect to see. People prayed over me, and encouraged me. It felt normal and comfortable. It was a weekend of tears. I was so weepy. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I was not supposed to stay. I went to Tulsa expectant to hear God speak... and I did.
It was the Sunday before I was supposed to leave Tulsa after taking Becky to school. I was in church and I felt the holy spirit ask me to give all i had at the time of offering. I was so weepy. A few things went through my mind. Because I was in tears, I was thinking, “gosh, becky’s new friends are probably thinking I am such a wreck.” oh well.
Then I was thinking that I was planning on saving that last amount of money until I got a job. I also doubted that it was the Lord and I didnt want to just give because I had it.
But knowing the character of God, he desires our trust and our best. I knew it was God calling me to and in faith I had to give it. So i did... I signed the check off. My mom, sitting next to me, asked what I was doing and i started crying more. I said, “I’m giving all I have left.”
I gave it believing that GOD was going before me, preparing a job, preparing my heart, and mind, and rebuilding my discouraged spirit. That same night, my closest friends prayed over me, as well as my contacts from India. God dropped something into existence that night, and I know it fully well.
Driving home from Tulsa on Wednesday morning, I received a phone call about a job opportunity from one of the most prestigious college prep schools in Baltimore. I had gone to one of its rival schools for middle and high school, but did not know much about the job or the school. It has been 5 years since I’ve been out of the private school environment. You would not know what it is like unless you went to private school in Baltimore. Anyway, I had not yet applied for it nor did I even know much about it.
Soon enough I found out that it was a kindergarten associate teaching position. I would be co-teaching a group of 18 diverse kindergardeners, whose families pay 20k a year for their education. Yes, that is 20,000 dollars for a kindergarden education at these schools per year. Welcome to Baltimore Private Schools. We are the best :)
I set up the interview for the following week. I went through 3 interviews, 3 different days. Each day that passed after the first interview was a phone call about semi-finalist rounds, and finalist rounds. Out of 6 applicants, I was the youngest, with the least experience, and the most energy and joy. Let me remind you, I DO NOT HAVE AN UNDERGRAD IN ANYTHING EDUCATION... its international business and spanish.
I had the most to learn, but the most fun age to teach. I never would have imagined teaching right out of college, but I knew it was something that would stretch me and grow me. I prayed that God would make it known. I would have to do nothing but show up, be myself, and answer the questions asked of me. If this was the job for me, I knew that God could use it for preparation in womens ministry (educating, listening, patience, etc), it would grow my faith to be more child like, and more.
I got a phone call on a thursday morning. “Maggie, we believe you are the best candidate for this job. We would like to offer you the position. We hope you still want it.” Of course, I took the job and I started the following Monday. School started a week later, which was 3 days ago.
As I think about this whirlwind, without a doubt I know that it was because of the Holy Spirit and the Lord. I was faithful to do what was asked of me. I gave what was important and of value to me. It was all I had. It was the faithfulness and provision of God that this job came along. The economy is horrible. Fathers and mothers with years of experience have been out of work for months trying to provide for families. I have been out of college for less than 4 months, and have an incredible job with great pay and benefits. Not only that BUT I get to be with 5 year olds all day long. I listen to the things on their mind, I hold them, I put Band-Aids on their cuts, I read to them, I teach them. I get to lead by example. In my words, my responses, my actions, and my facial expressions. For some I am a mother, for others I am a big sister or a sibling they do not have. I have world changers in my classroom, and their lives are purposeful. I have the opportunity to speak dreams and change into existence in their lives. I play a part in their development as people. It doesn’t matter their color or religion. God knows no boundaries.
I am a kindergarden teacher. I love waking up to go to work. I love recess. I love when I have 18 eyes looking at me for my response or answer. I will not do this forever, BUT i do know that there is some major preparation for the future planned for the next year. God knows me fully well and what I am capable and uncapable of. He will supply my needs, He will stretch me. I am willing. This is my season. A season of preparation for the future.
A stack of books.